If I’ve run out of power today, I’ll just borrow some from tomorrow.
Where I go from here…
So I have really been struggling lately with who I am and where I go from here. We grow up as kids with our lives practically planned for us. And no one will admit to that, but the expectations are there. Always pressing. And I am faced with expectations now. Expectations to go to grad school, to find a job, to make money, to find a family, to settle down, get a house…
But I have never fit the norm. I don’t want to live according to other peoples’ rules. I think we are ridiculous to think that we can do the things we do and that no one ever questions the monopolizing moves, the drive for money, everything. I don’t want to pretend that I own part of the earth - I want to be a part of it. And it is coming to me now that maybe my move to make a difference in the world and be something greater is by being something lesser. That instead of going to grad school or trying to pursue some typical or lofty dream, I find a sustainable community and live as humble a life I can.
It is hard because it rejects the norm and puts me at risk if I dont pursue the financial path and it is hard because in many ways it may lead to me losing my family. The norm is all my mother and family and friends know or expect. If I move somewhere off the map to in my opinion live a real life, I honestly dont know if they would ever try to visit. It is hard because what always feels right to me is never what other people do. But all I want to do is live. To be happy. And to be in nature.
I’ll take your thoughts. And support. And whatever you’ve got.
If I go through with this, I think I will just help in the community I join and find a way to be a part of nature. To connect with the world, observe behavior, and write about whatever I can.